Understanding Japanese Love Expressions: Suki, Koi, and Ai

Love is one of the fundamental things that humans strive for in life, and it is one of our most precious emotions. Even the Beatles knew that all you need is love. However, different cultures can express this same general concept in various ways, especially in language, and Japanese is no exception.

Whether you are trying to avoid embarrassing yourself when confessing to your sweetheart, or just looking for the right kanji for your next stylish tattoo, learning how Japanese expresses love is crucial. And as always, we've got you covered.

Japanese has a multitude of words that can express love and affection, with 好(す)き​, 恋(こい) and 愛(あい) being the most frequently used ones. But what are the differences between those three? Let's find out.

Suki - 好き

好(す)き​ is one of the first words that most learners get to know and is also used extremely frequently. Most advanced learners should have a pretty good grasp of its meaning, but that does not mean that it can't at times lead to confusion. One of the first encounters that many people have with this word is used in a confession, often in the form of a sentence like 君(きみ)の​こと​が​好(す)き​だ​ (I like/love you). In this context 好(す)き​ often gets translated as "love", although this might not always be the best choice. Especially to understand the nuances and differences between すき and "love." 好(す)き​ is generally used to express a mild interest or affection, and can be used for not only people but also pets, food, hobbies, and various other things. Therefore, in most situations "like" is a better translation.

So although 好(す)き​ can be translated as "love" in some situations, it has a different feel and nuance than "love" does in English. When you are confessing in Japanese with a phrase like 君(きみ)の​こと​が​好(す)き​だ​, it isn't as big of a deal because you are using "love" here as one would say they "love" pizza in English.

On the other hand, to express real love, you can use 愛(あい)して​いる​ (aishiteiru), which has a completely different weight than 好(す)き​ and is only used for one purpose.

Koi & Ai - 恋 & 愛

In Japanese, the concepts of 恋(こい) (koi) and 愛(あい) (ai) represent different facets of love, each with distinct meanings and implications.

恋(こい) (koi) expresses a strong interest in someone and a desire to know more about them and get closer to them. The dictionary describes it as "being strongly attracted to," "harboring deep feelings to the point of heartache," and "the affectionate feelings between a man and a woman." 恋(こい) involves a powerful attraction and an emotional intensity that often leads to inner conflict when trying to express these feelings directly. The fear of rejection can cause hesitation, making one anxious about confessing romantic feelings. As English equivalents, "romantic attraction" or "romantic feelings" might be good ways to think about 恋(こい).

愛(あい) (ai), on the other hand, is described as "feelings of cherishing each other," "feelings of caring and valuing someone," and "feelings of thinking highly of someone and wanting to be devoted to them." Unlike 恋(こい), which is limited to romantic relationships, 愛(あい) encompasses a broader range of relationships, including parental love, sibling love, and love for living beings such as animals. When feeling 愛(あい), one can act without hesitation, regardless of the other person's reaction. 愛(あい) is about the intention and the act of loving, often characterized by selflessness and the willingness to act for the other person's sake without expecting anything in return. The phrase 無償(むしょう)の​愛(あい) (mushou no ai) "unconditional love" suggests that 愛 has an unwavering quality that allows one to express feelings unconditionally.

While dramas and novels often depict the classic progression of "romantic attraction (恋(こい)) leading to love (愛(あい))," real-life experiences can differ, and that is perfectly acceptable. There can be as many ways of loving as there are people, each with their unique journey and expression of 恋(こい) and 愛(あい).

Common phrases/words using 恋, 愛, and 好き

As you can see, kanji and the way words are used in Japanese can be quite difficult. It is best learned through extensive exposure to the language by reading and listening. However, the beginning of your learning journey can be challenging. If you want an easy start to your Japanese journey, we recommend trying out our Migaku Japanese Academy course. You will soon see that learning Japanese can be fast and easy.