Understanding Japanese Love Expressions: Suki, Koi, and Ai

Love is one of the fundamental things that humans strive for in life, and it is one of our most precious emotions. Even the Beatles knew that all you need is love. However, different cultures can express this same general concept in various ways, especially in language, and Japanese is no exception. This is important. If you want to learn Japanese, part of that is learning Japanese culture.

Whether you are trying to avoid embarrassing yourself when confessing to your sweetheart, or just looking for the right kanji for your next stylish tattoo, learning how Japanese expresses love is crucial. And as always, we've got you covered.

Japanese has a multitude of words that can express love and affection, with 好(す)き​, 恋(こい) and 愛(あい) being the most frequently used ones. But what are the differences between those three? Let's find out.

好き (Suki)

— The most common way to say I love you in Japanese

好(す)き​ is one of the first words that most learners get to know and is also used extremely frequently. Most advanced learners should have a pretty good grasp of its meaning, but that does not mean that it can't at times lead to confusion. One of the first encounters that many people have with this word is used in a confession, often in the form of a sentence like 君(きみ)の​こと​が​好(す)き​だ​ (I like/love you). In this context 好(す)き​ often gets translated as "love", although this might not always be the best choice. Especially to understand the nuances and differences between すき and "love." 好(す)き​ is generally used to express a mild interest or affection, and can be used for not only people but also pets, food, hobbies, and various other things. Therefore, in most situations "like" is a better translation.

So although 好(す)き​ can be translated as "love" in some situations, it has a different feel and nuance than "love" does in English. When you are confessing in Japanese with a phrase like 君(きみ)の​こと​が​好(す)き​だ​, it isn't as big of a deal because you are using "love" here as one would say they "love" pizza in English.

On the other hand, to express real love, you can use 愛(あい)して​いる​ (aishiteiru), which has a completely different weight than 好(す)き​ and is only used for one purpose.

恋 (Koi)

& 愛 (Ai)

— More nuanced expressions of love

In Japanese, the concepts of 恋(こい) (koi) and 愛(あい) (ai) represent different facets of love, each with distinct meanings and implications.

恋 (Koi) is used when you're falling for someone

恋(こい) (koi) expresses a strong interest in someone and a desire to know more about them and get closer to them. The dictionary describes it as "being strongly attracted to," "harboring deep feelings to the point of heartache," and "the affectionate feelings between a man and a woman." 恋(こい) involves a powerful attraction and an emotional intensity that often leads to inner conflict when trying to express these feelings directly. The fear of rejection can cause hesitation, making one anxious about confessing romantic feelings. As English equivalents, "romantic attraction" or "romantic feelings" might be good ways to think about 恋(こい).

愛 (Ai) is a deeper love, and often what 恋 (Koi) leads to

愛(あい) (ai), on the other hand, is described as "feelings of cherishing each other," "feelings of caring and valuing someone," and "feelings of thinking highly of someone and wanting to be devoted to them." Unlike 恋(こい), which is limited to romantic relationships, 愛(あい) encompasses a broader range of relationships, including parental love, sibling love, and love for living beings such as animals. When feeling 愛(あい), one can act without hesitation, regardless of the other person's reaction. 愛(あい) is about the intention and the act of loving, often characterized by selflessness and the willingness to act for the other person's sake without expecting anything in return. The phrase 無償(むしょう)の​愛(あい) (mushou no ai) "unconditional love" suggests that 愛 has an unwavering quality that allows one to express feelings unconditionally.

While dramas and novels often depict the classic progression of "romantic attraction (恋(こい)) leading to love (愛(あい))," real-life experiences can differ, and that is perfectly acceptable. There can be as many ways of loving as there are people, each with their unique journey and expression of 恋(こい) and 愛(あい).

Common expressions of love that include 恋, 愛, and 好き

How to learn which "love" word to use when

This is pretty complex! We've just got "love" in English, but Japanese has several, and Japanese speakers use them in specific ways that don't always align with how we use "love" in English. (You actually run into this problem with every single vocab word you learn, but it isn't always as obvious!)

Importantly, this isn't a problem that you need to go out of your way to solve. So long as you are regularly interacting with Japanese media, it's just something you'll naturally acquire over time.

For example, say you're watching some random vlog on YouTube, and you see a mother embrace her young daughter and say 愛(あい)しているよ​ (aisiteru yo!). This give you a nudge in the right direction: here's one situation you can use this word.

... but then you go on, watching dramas and anime, as you do, and you notice that people don't just throw 愛しているよ around like it's cheap. Instead, for the most part, when people express feelings for others, they say 好(す)き​ (suki):

And you'll also see that upgraded to 大好(だいす)き​ (daisuki), which is both a stronger version of 好き for people you really like, and also an "I'm lovin' it" type expression that you really like some thing .

You'll pick up all this stuff from simply interacting with Japanese—and Migaku gives you the support you need to begin consuming Japanese media, even if you're still pretty new to this.

Want to learn Japanese for real?

However you go about learning Japanese, just remember the Golden Rule of Language Learning:

Learning Japanese isn't easy, but virtually all of the hurdles you encounter can be overcome simply by spending more time in Japanese, rather than spending your time learning about Japanese.

Good luck, friend 🫡